Delivered by Amy Higgins on January 14, 2023

Scripture: 1 John 4: 16-21

Earlier this week I saw a quote by the 19^th century French nun, St. Therese Lisieux that said, “You know well enough that our Lord does not look so much on the greatness of our actions, nor even at their difficulty, but at the love with which we do them.” When I saw this quote, I was rereading the book, Unrelenting Grace written by our own bishop, Ken Carter, as I was already thinking of how we belong to one another and the love and grace, or lack thereof, by which we live together.

As we just heard in 1 John, chapter 4, “whoever claims to love God yet hates a brother or sister is a liar. For whoever does not love a brother or sister, whom they have seen, cannot love God, whom they have not seen.” We take the word “hate” in this passage at its strongest meaning. But it can also mean to greatly dislike or find intolerable, to feel bitterness, resentment, anger. This is not only about those with whom we have seemingly irreconcilable differences, but also about the little disagreements. It is about anything, no matter how big or small, however lasting or fleeting, that separates us from one another.

Love the Lord your God and love your neighbor as yourself. Loving neighbor as yourself sounds a lot like “do unto others as you would have them do unto you”. And as we have previously shared in Bible study, that does not mean returning one sock in the head for another like some of us did as kids. To love your neighbor as yourself is not only to treat them well; to do nice things for them. It is more than a kind gesture. Loving someone is also caring enough to work out disagreements, seeing them as a brother or sister – a child of God. Jesus tells us: Love God. Love neighbor. Love self. Do and say all things in love. As the saying goes, “I only love God as much as the person I love the least.” And I only love anyone as much as I am willing to ensure we are in right relationship with one another, no matter how uncomfortable it may be to do so. To be in right relationship with one another is to be in right relationship with God. This is true righteousness. To act otherwise is self-righteousness.

Our relationships with one another reflect our relationship with God. They are the outer expression of our inner reflection. When we are not intentional in preserving love, that is our relationships, our hearts become hardened, our relationship with God also suffers, and we are not able to receive all that God desires for us. John Wesley, the founder of the Methodist Movement, believed that when our hearts are aligned with one another, we are aligned with God. To be separated from one another in even the smallest ways, separates us from God.

As Bishop Carter wrote in his book Unrelenting Grace, “Our communion with one another keeps us connected to those who are obstacles to our holiness and those who aren’t but with whom we may have differences. It is in the learning to live and love together in our communion that moves us closer to holiness – perfection in love.” He goes on to say that “our own woundedness should be used to heal, not to harm.” This is empathy. It is God’s peace within our selves. It is knowing who we are and whose we are, that we belong to God and to one another.

But even the truth can be spoken with malice. The “right” actions, the “right” behavior can be done with the “wrong” attitude. As our District Superintendent, Rev. Beth Crissman wrote in her book, Longing to Belong: Learning to Relate as the Body of Christ, belonging to God and one another is based on both our behavior and our attitude. “The behavior is ‘what’ we do. The attitude reflects ‘why’ or ‘how’ we do it…All of our behaviors, all that we say and all that we do, should be done in an attitude of love: we speak the truth in love; we give generously to others in love; we make allowances for faults in love; we forgive one another in love. We are to do all things in love for the purpose of building up and never tearing down one another and the Body of Christ.” In Chapter 6, Luke shares Jesus’ words that a good tree cannot produce bad fruit. Good deeds are produced by a good heart. “Whatever is in your heart determines what you will say.”

Both Rev. Crissman and Bishop Carter touch on the Beatitudes from Jesus’ Sermon on the Mount in discussing our belonging to one another. These are our be-attitudes, as in our attitudes of being, and in them Jesus establishes the expectations of our behavior and our attitudes that determine our belonging to God and one another. As Rev. Crissman writes, this includes “seeking, not severing, our relationships; being responsible to God; and being accountable to one another.” Bishop Carter states that “discipleship is reconciliation and reconciliation is discipleship”. He says that when in disagreement we do not engage in conversation, there is only one side. And to be one-sided (that is our side) is to turn our heart in on itself – the sin of selfishness – rather than turning outward in love for one another. And as we are created in the image of God, our sins scar the image of God. But, it is by loving, by giving the grace we are given, forgiving those who trespass against us that the image of God is renewed.

There is always a difference of perspective between any two people. However, peacemakers search for what Bishop Carter calls a “third way”. It is reaching a mutual benefit rather than splitting the difference. It recognizes that some things cannot be compromised, however, it does allow room for difference. But this does not mean that a “third way” is avoiding the difference, refusing to talk about it, or talking to others and not to the person with whom you have the difference. Jesus even guides us in Matthew chapter 18 to speak to one another directly. When we fail to do so, we trespass against the person who trespassed against us. And two wrongs will never a right. But, a “third way” seeks reconciliation, maybe even resolution, and hopefully revelation and repentance.

Search me God and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts (Psalm 139), that I may live in you and you in me. This is how love is made complete among us. (1 John 4)